You deserve a medal, Isabelle. You would say you have already won it, but then you would also feel bad about thinking that. It has not been a simple case of girl meets girl; girl falls in love with girl; girl leaves boy. Happily ever after. Far from it, in some ways. The happiness is there, but I am not sure if that happiness will ever be simple.

In our first few months of leaving, I cried, we cried, every day. Sadness, guilt, loss. Grief.

I think of Ian every day. I didn't realise when starting this relationship that my previous relationship would always be with us. Last thing at night, often. In conversation, when I do a Gillies family joke. When I say Aye Aye (Not) Jock Mackay (because Ian and I and always said it, without the negative). He is always with us. I need him there.

I have only recently been able to think of the 24 years of memories without crying, and that is because he - generous, philosophical man that he is - has let you in to his life too. My two worlds make some sort of sense again. I can love him. I can love you.

10 things I love about you: 1) You smile. You really smile. Your face lights up.

7) This really should have been second. You are so easy with people. I write facebook posts about being stuck in the bedroom when you are away, while Czech people who don't speak English are in the sitting room, our only place to sit, because they are Airbnb guests who understood my gestures of make yourself at home. Or maybe they didn't, but thought I asked them to sit there. You would never be in this situation. You wouldn't have awkwardly told them to make themselves at home when you knew they couldn't understand you, and you wouldn't have minded anyway if they did. 2) You make me feel loved and beautiful and creative and sexy (sorry Katrina). 3) You get excited about mushrooms. You get excited about things. Music, food, dance. Things found on the shore, in woods; unusual things from usual places to put in our printers' block of keepsakes.

4) You embrace my wild side. I am happy to be wild with you. 5) You are French and I love that English is your second language. I love all things French. Apart from Le Penn, les escargots and some of the cheesier songs. (And other things in between the lines). 6) You have magic hands. People who have not had a shiatsu massage from you will not know about your hands. You can cast spells with those hands.

8) You work fast and hard. You go at things until they are finished and life goes on around you and you don't let up.

9) You want to spend the in-between time with me - you play cards with me, you cook with me, you bath with me, you garden with me, you shop with me, we do crosswords. 10) You make my life easier and more difficult. You get up with me and heat my soup; you agree with my ideas of shelf spacing and picture placing; you talk to the less chatty Airbnb guests; you talk with my girl; you make me talk about things I don't want to talk about.

12, 13 and 14.....You are considerate and you remember what people cannot eat. You play badminton to win and if you lose, you do so with dignity. You accept that Ian is a part of our lives and that I will talk about him and will talk to him and will still cry for him. Ian is coming for Christmas dinner and you were the one who asked what he was doing, asked if he would like to come

It turns out these words are as much about Ian as they are about you. You will understand that. And that is also something I love about you.